We Can't Always Live the Dream

I've just closed my eyes again
Climbed aboard the dream weaver train
Driver take away my worries of today
And leave tomorrow behind

Just this month we finished paying off some bad debt from last year. The year I "lived the dream". I jokingly refer to it as the time I was living the dream, but it's true, I really was. I was attempting to earn my income from doing the things I love, painting, acting, singing, writing. But during that time,  I got us further and further in debt.

Yea, like we needed that. No, I needed to be making real $ but I wasn't. Dean works so hard, 60-80 hours a week, he did before I tried to live the dream, and does even still.

I thank God I got the job I have right now. As a person who thrives off of working with the poor and discarded of society, I know God provided this job. I am truly blessed.

But I miss working in movies, painting, singing. All of the things I love. The things that I dream of.

It's hard not to beat myself up about not succeeding at it. And I know the dream weavers want to tell us not to let income be the gauge we measure success with but when you have kids, a home, mortgage payments, car payments, fees for kids to do sports, dance, theater, etc, well you have to have a decent income to do all that.

I think maybe as parents we give up our dreams so we can lay the track for our kids to be able to live theirs.

Right now Abel is at home using his new video camera making movies. He bought it with his own money that he earned mowing lawns.

Steele has decided he wants to be a professional basketball player since we got a basketball goal. He's really good.

Evangeline is in New York city with her high school drama group. They are seeing plays, doing theater workshops, and experiencing the arts and culture of that magical city.

I can live through their dreams and help them see the day when their dreams come true.

And I thank God I tried. I may have failed, but I had a season, it was a wonderful season. Maybe it will come around again.


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