2013: Losing My Religion..Again

 

 2013 will go down as the year I lost my religion...again.

I love Jesus, we talk all the time. In many ways I feel closer to him now then ever before, but my religion is gone. I've lost it under the dug hill that is the American Celebrity Church culture. I lost it because I got tired of digging in the S#!% to find it. The poop kept sucking my religion deeper into the pile. It sucked it down into the nasty, wet, awful stench over and over again and then one day, I couldn't dig my hand in it anymore and I lost my religion in the dug heap. 

But it's OK. This is not a permanent station in life, it's temporary. I've been here before back in the 80's I know it wont last forever. 

I am actually in a weird peaceful place now that I've lost my religion. I look back and what I miss the most is singing with the worship team at the Dream Center. But when I go to work and get to enter a prison and talk with an inmate about her children, her life inside and outside of jail, I am having church. My religion is gone but Jesus is with me and I'm more then OK with that.

So, no need to gasp when I reply "nowhere" to the question "Where did ya'll go to church last Sunday?" We may never find a new church home, we may find one next week, who knows? I may one day decided I feel like digging in the dung pile again trying to find my religion, only time will tell. But for certain, 2013 was the year I lost it....again.
Oh Life is bigger  
It's bigger than you and you are not me  
The lengths that I will go to  
The distance in your eyes  
Oh no, I've said too much I set it up
 
That's me in the corner 
That's me in the spotlight  
Losing my religion  
Trying to keep up with you 
And I don't know if I can do it 
Oh no, I've said too much
I haven't said enough  
I thought that I heard you laughing  
I thought that I heard you sing  
I think, I thought, I saw you try
 
Every whisper  
Of every waking hour 
I'm choosing my confessions 
Trying to keep an eye on you 
 Like a hurt lost and blinded fool  
Oh no, I've said too much I set it up
 
Consider this  
Consider this the hint of the century 
Consider this 
The slip that brought me to my knees failed  
What if all these fantasies  
Come flailing around
 
Now I've said too much 
I thought that I heard you laughing  
I thought that I heard you sing 
I think, I thought, I saw you try
 
That was just a dream  
That was just a dream
That's me in the corner  
That's me in the spotlight  
Losing my religion 
Trying to keep up with you 
And I don't know if I can do it 

Oh no, I've said too much
I haven't said enough 
I thought that I heard you laughing  
I thought that I heard you sing 
I think, I thought, I saw you try
 
But that was just a dream  
Try try try try  
That was just a dream 
Just a dream

Written and sang by REM 1991

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Gay Adoption

Image
This week our Louisiana state senate was presented legislation that would allow both partners in a homosexual relationship to be named as a parent in an adoption of a child . pro-family and political Christian organizations were at the capital "fighting for traditional families" And they won, the law expansion was not approved. I'm all for free speech, fighting for what you believe in, so they have a right to speak out if they feel so led. I don't know every person that was at the capital fighting against this law expansion, but I do know many of them, and of the ones I know, NONE of them have ever adopted. I would hope they had at least funded an adoption, are part of a mentoring program for children in foster care or something that helps orphans, but I don't know if that's the case either. I do believe from over 25 years of being a part of many pro-life, pro-family political action groups, that most of the people who are in these groups have no adopted
Read more

But Did You Die?

Image
Funny how life smacks you in the face with yourself. And it will smack you in the face with everything else. Both good and bad and at the same time too often. This last year I've said to myself more times than I can count, "But did you die? No? So shut the hell up. Buck up! Grow a damn vagina Carole! No one else is going to do it, you have to!" And somehow I make it through another day. The great benefit of being raised by a single mother and watching my sister live her life, balls to the wall is I KNOW I can rise to the occasion simply because I'm alive. I am in pain everyday in my heart and in my body. I have Frozen Shoulder. My entire left arm hurts all day every day pretty much. I'm in physical therapy which helps. Motrin helps. I have to take it before bed and get up and take it during the night.  I'm left handed and it is of course my left arm. Washing my hair is difficult. I can't reach back to my bra strap with my left hand. The joy o
Read more

The Womb, Being a Woman and Baby Loss

Image
 Chrissy Teigen and John Legend lost their baby last week and the hateful, pro pre-born baby crowd came out in full anti-Christ form to attack a grieving family. The adrenaline rush from the hate filled comment section on their social media will be their reward, I won't give them any more attention. No, in this post I'm going to talk about womb issues, empathize with a grieving family and share my story. From the time I was twelve until I had a hysterectomy at age forty I dealt with excruciating pain at the beginning of my periods most months due to Endometriosis. It also caused me trouble getting pregnant and caused me to have a horrific pregnancy. My doctor said he was surprised I got pregnant at all. After we had Evangeline I wanted to have more kids so we tried mild fertility pills which made the Endometriosis worse. There was one point during the treatment when my period was late so I took a pregnancy test and it was positive. I was so excited. All the pain and fertility t
Read more