fix·a·tion  (fk-sshn)n.
1. The act or process of fixing or fixating.
2. An obsessive preoccupation.

And now I'm singing "Obsessed" in my head. It's a Mariah Carey Song :-)

I fixate. I am the type of person who obsesses about things. Who wants to fix whatever it is I am currently fixated on. For instance, I've stayed awake several nights decorating and redecorating in my mind, an office I hope to have in October with a new job. I do that kind of obsessing all day long, about all kinds of different things, all the time. Ask anyone who knows me, I fixate. I've compared myself to a bad rash in Summer time, I get on something and it aint easy to get me off.

But it's exhausting. It takes away from life, from the people around me that I love. Life interrupts the fixation and then life gets the brunt of the anger caused by not being able to fix what I'm fixated on. 

Does that make sense?

So, the other day, after writing a very passionate, angry blog post, I realized (thanks to a gentle nudge from a friend) that I had an unhealthy fixation that could no longer continue. You know how all of a sudden your like "What the heck? I gotta let this go! Ugh! This is ugly. This is sucking the life out of my life!"

I can't fix this. 

This is not my fight. 

So, I took down the post.

I ask God to forgive me for fixating on fixing something rather then being WITH Him. He always hears and helps and I love that. Yesterday morning this was a part of my Common Prayer Daily Prayer, 

I realized I have to move on in every way. I have to get away from the situation completely so I can get some clarity. So we decided to start visiting other churches for the next month. As we visit we will be praying about what's next. 

It's a new day and that's good.

I leave you now with the song that ministers to my heart every time I hear it. This live version is, gosh, just the very best ever. I thank God for this song, it's that great.

They say freedom, is just a place to hide. But now I'm coming to you with my arms open wide, tell me where could I go but to the lord?

Sing it Ben!


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