Just thinking out loud here but..
I think there are a lot of gay people in American churches, most all of them in the closet of course, confused, acting, trying to live a lie. I believe there are a lot of gay worship leaders. They don't date, they act really gay but they just don't say they are gay so no one has any issue with it I guess. Maybe we all just assume they aren't acting on their gayness in private.
Another thing that really bothers me is, why do we (I say we as in "the church") automatically think that if someone is gay they are a pedophile? I've known people who came out and were immediately told they could no longer be around the kids at their church.
I had a step father once who tried to have sex with me, he was a man, I was a 10 year old girl. Most sexual abuse that I know of is done by the opposite sex or by perverts who enjoy kiddie porn, not by consenting adults who are attracted to their same sex in a mature way.
I had a friend of mine ask me if I believed that people are born gay. Honestly, I don't think so, but I don't know really. Maybe we are all born with a lean in one direction or the other that is cultivated by our upbringing. But I also think that applies to many distinctions about us. For instance, obese families. A person born into a family of large people may be born with certain genes that make them gain weight easily but also the family may eat a really bad diet so that would also contribute to the obesity.
And I guess that's why I get so upset with people who say I am condoning sin when I don't come out against marriage equality or for DOMA. There are so many sins that we condone all day every day. Greed, jealousy, gluttony. We stamp "church approved" on pride, vain ambition, vulgar excess, by elevating our leaders to celebrity status and indulging them with million dollar homes and jet set life styles. These same celebrity pastors that loudly say "love the sinner, hate the sin" when it comes to the gay community, but I would repeat what I've heard Tony Campolo say, "no, love the sinner and hate your own sin."
The bible is full of things that God hates, that God can't look at, that's why he sent his son, so His grace could cover it all with his blood. I think just as a gluttonous preacher, the pill popping youth leader, the vain botox addicted pastors wife, the 14 year old girl who slept with men in her village to earn money to feed her siblings, will be in heaven, so will the gay kid who loved Jesus, served his community, fell in love and married another man, but was never accepted as a Christian by the church. I'm not saying it's not sin, I'm saying we are all eaten up with sin that we think is not sin. We are all living in environments that make us and shape us.
Look at Lot in the bible, he offered his daughters to rapist so they could sleep WITH HIS DAUGHTERS instead of the angles he had staying in his home. But in the new testament Peter says God saved Lot because he was a righteous man.
It never says Lot repented of his actions, as far as we know he never thought they were wrong, he offered his daughters virginity to sex crazed men and later, he had some kids with those daughters and was not sorry for it.
When God sent Jesus to redeem us, he covered all the incest, rape, killing, lying, that we see his annointed, appointed, blessed, kings, leaders, people doing all throughout the old testament, and he also covers all the sins of our past, present and future.
I think the greater sin is how we treat those that we don't understand and people we believe are living in sin. I don't think you have to agree with someones life to treat them with respect and human dignity. I have gay friends who worked so hard to live a lie because they love God, love people, want to be a part of his church but could not date who they wanted, could not even say they wanted to be with the same sex or they would be thrown out of leadership, fellowship and families even. This is not how we should treat people. I hurt for my gay friends who prayed so hard, tried so hard, faked it so well, took antidepressants, all to make themselves acceptable to Christians who made them believe that was what they had to do to be acceptable to Christ.