When You Have Yet to Have a Good Cry

Some call it "stream of conscious" blogging. I use to try to do it occasionally and recently my friend Karen said that I think to much about the words I use so I'm gonna try it now.

Truth is though, I've been conditioned to fear this, writing what I really think and feel on here, it use to get me in trouble. But I have nothing to lose now so, "nothing more dangerous then a person who has nothing to lose"..that's from a movie..what movie is it? Oh well, who cares, I'm stream of conscious blogging and I'm on a roll.

I need to cry. Like, freak out balling cry, not just get emotional, tear up, cry a little, but really whail. This church shit is, well just shit. I mean it. I know, I cussed, It's bad but whatever. It's true. It's all just do-do upon do-do and everyone is trying so hard to hope in all things, like 1 Cor. 13 says that love does but in humans who are not God incarnate, it's harder then you think.

So, we wait. I wait. I don't want my kids to grow up away from church. I love THE CHURCH. I love it with all my heart. But I detest the American Republi-Christian version of THE CHURCH. It's a grotesque distortion of the truth. Jesus. But yet, where do I go to church? At a church that has the leaders of the Family Research Forum in the pulpit and sell James Robinson's fear propaganda book, Indivisible in the book store! They post pre-election stuff on the church web page with links to ultra conservative sites to keep the flock "informed".

How dare I complain about it, I'm endorsing it by being a part of it all, right?

But I'm at a different campus, it's different there. Yes, that's what I tell myself. Ugh! I want to leave but where to go when you don't know where to go? NO WHERE!! You stay put. But am I wrong? I don't know.

And the politics is horrible but the Mafia Family, Mega Church, way of doing things is the biggest dagger in the hearts of all things right and just and good. It's evil called Godly.

Why couldn't they see that telling the truth would have been so much better. The fear of the unknown kept them from it maybe? The fear of what they assumed would happen maybe? The enemy sure is good at making us believe a lie isn't he? Or are we just so full of pride? Fear? Shame? Who knows? We certainly don't. We just get to assume cuz' aint no one gonna tell us the frickin truth!

And no one has moved on. Let's just get that out in the open. You know you haven't. I haven't. It's like this dark cloud hanging over everything. His fall is binding us all up because they handled it like he was a God or something, the Godfather, protect the Don, stupid sheep, you don't need the truth!.

We are just kids wanting fruit loops remember, but we don't get them, no, thank God for our parents who protect us from bad fruit loops. Gag me!

Wanting people to tell the truth is not fruit loops moron! Heaven forbid you actually get out of spin zone and even entertain the truth.

Sadly, it's all speculation, everything we think or feel. That's what half truths do, they cause speculation, gossip, assumption. They lead people into temptation. That is why they are evil. Big time celebrity church leaders create all kinds of reason why they can't tell the truth but really, the truth does set you free, they just don't want to give up their pride and status to be free I guess.

Power, Money, it's so enticing. It's easy to love them, and once you love them, they owns you. You are now their bitch. And you will do whatever your told to save face and to save that income. Your followers are just sheep, kids wanting fruit loops, they are easy.



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