Pump Vacation: Diabetes Sucks!

Evangeline was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes one month after turning two years old. We discovered it the hard way (three days in PICU after an idiot doctor almost let her die) her pancreas no longer produced insulin, which takes the food we eat and feeds our organs with it, so she would die without insulin being given to her subcutaneously. She took shots for four years then, when she was six, they put her on an insulin pump. That is how she has gotten her insulin for 9 years now.

But today her doctor informed us that she felt it was best for Evangeline to go on a Pump vacation. Which actually means, a vacation from her pump.

Tomorrow morning she will go back to taking two shots a day.

This may possibly last until after Christmas.

Why the change? Well, because the pump has made it too easy for her to not take care of herself. My teen age daughters life has revolved around food since before she can remember. The pump gave her more freedom, but with freedom comes responsibility, and she just got tired of the responsibility.

You can read these post, for a little history of what we have been dealing with during this lovely time called the-teenage-years-and-diabetes. But in a nut shell, it's not working. Pump therapy is not working for her right now. When I say not working, I mean, her blood sugars are out of control, and have been for over a year really. We have tried to reign them in but to no avail. Her efforts are not enough. Our efforts are not enough. We have all failed so we have to go back to a much more controlled, structured lifestyle.

And it's gonna sucks.

We have to get up at a specific time every morning, do insulin and eat, no exception. Once the insulin is "on board" (in her body) she has to eat when the insulin peeks, at lunch and at dinner. Then she will do another shot at dinner that will last through the night. No more skipping meals, no more sleeping in, back to middle of the night blood sugar checks, back to shots, back to feeding the insulin.

I know that if you don't have type 1 Diabetes or if you are not an immediate family member of someone who does, you really don't know what I'm talking about or really how hard this is. As I type all this, I realize that very few moms, dads, kids, friends, family, that are reading this really understand this life.  But for those of you who do, well you know. Mom's of teenage diabetics, you know. The ones who told me when she was first diagnosed "you think it's hard now, just wait until she's a teenager". Yea, you know.

There is no way to not feel like a failure as a parent. I am failing her.

And she is failing herself but I understand why she doesn't want it to be real anymore, I understand how hard it is for her, and it breaks my heart.

I will never forget the day, about a year after being diagnosed, I've told this story so many times because it scarred me, she was in her car seat and she looked at her Medic Alert bracelet on her wrist, raised it up to show me and said "mommy, I'll be glad when I grow up and I can take this off and not have diabetes anymore".

No baby, here we are 13 years later, you still have it, you really do look all grown up but your still my baby girl and your life has only just begun. I'm sorry I can't take it for you. I would in a second.

Let's try to make the best of this "pump vacation" so you can live a long, healthy, happy life, in spite of sucky diabetes.

If you would like to know more about Type 1 diabetes, check out http://www.childrenwithdiabetes.com

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