Rolling My Eyes

When I was a teenager I was in a lot of beauty pagents. I entered them mainly for the talent segment, my mom felt that the more opportunities I had to sing and perform, the better my stage presence would be for when I was older and a famous rock star, so she would enter me in theses beauty pagents.

I won a couple of these contest. In 1983 I was the very first "Miss Fire Cracker" a contest they still hold in Okeechobee Florida (where Im from) every year for the 4th of July celebration.

But one thing I had a bad habit of doing while being on stage, was rolling my eyes. It was such a bad habit. My mom would always get onto me for it, "Carole! You have to stop rolling your eyes when your modeling your casual wear! Carole, stop rolling your eyes when you see a friend in the audience!"

Honestly, I rolled my eyes because it all felt so absurd and embarrassing. I didn't want to be a beauty queen, I just wanted to sing, but I had to do the beauty queen part in order to perform in the talent section, so I did it.

After a few years of being in these contest, I stopped rolling my eyes. I conformed to my environment. It only took winning one title for me to start wanting to win more.

That brief time in my formidable life history made me value, too highly, the affirmation of others. Like life was a contest to be won.

When I became a Christian in 1984, I spent years not rolling my eyes at all the absurd, ridiculous stuff I had to participated in or go along with to be a Christian. At least I thought I had to do that. It took me walking a short distance away from my faith, and looking back at it, to see it clearly. And I started rolling my eyes again.

There are people I know that are right now learning to roll their eyes again. The other contestants don't like it, the judges mark off points for it. But don't worry about that, Gods grace and love will get you through. Your few steps away from the faith, looking back at all of it, may actually help you see everything more clearly in the end.

Roll your eyes girl, it's liberating.


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