Abel likes to wear button down shirts, jeans and dress shoes. Steele hates button downs, jeans and dress shoes. He likes T-shirts, shorts and casual shoes. E, she likes to be stylish, yet different. She's a brave and daring dresser, I love it. In this picture she is wearing a pair of cowboys boots that my friend Ammye Evangeline (yes, that is who Evangeline is named after) bought in 1991. She wore them for years, then she gave them to me and now they are Evangeline's.
All my kids are unique and special. Evangeline is growing up and it's so bizarre to watch.I miss my baby girl in a painful way. I hold her sometime and put my cheek to hers and I feel that baby girls face again. She's so responsible, so mature. I know she will change the world. I really do believe she will start a revolution somewhere, somehow. She already sets the world around her on fire with her fearless love of life, love for God, for people and for the ones no one wants to touch. I love who she is becoming.
Steele is such a complex child. We call him "Rain man" sometime because he's so particular about his socks, what he wears, things have to be just right, just where they are supposed to be, etc. He is our "bad" kid, according to some people at the Dream Center. "Mrs. Carole, where's that little bad one of yours?" Yes, we have been asked that more then once in some form or another. I love him. I could kiss his lips right off his face, they are soft fluffy pillows. I see his heart, it's tough, it's like his name. Steele means "hard cold and immovable..can only be molded by fire" and the fire does indeed mold us all. So, he gets cranky more then E or Abel, he's more work as far as discipline and patients goes that's for sure, but he's my baby boy, I love him and he's worth it.
Able is still finding himself. I am working hard to not break his already broken spirit. Navigating the waters of attachment, loving, bonding, to a child that has suffered such extreme loss is hard. But he's our son, like Steele and Evangeline, we do what we have to do to nurture him, love him, bond with him so that he can grow up to be a healthy man who knows truth and grabs a hold of it for his life. The devil wants nothing more then for us to believe we cant do something like this, that we are not capable, he wants it to stop there for us and for us to give up, but the truth is we can't do this, but God can. Not only can he, God does it. He will supply all our needs. When I need Him to help me love, help me have patience, he does because greater is He who is in me then he who is in the world. When I fail miserably at loving, being patient, bonding, He forgives me, He helps, He fills my heart up again. He quiets the words of doubt that scream at me. So devil, yea, I can't do it, I don't need to, my father in heaven is doing it through me and in the process kicking you in the teeth. Good times.