My daughter Evangeline tried out for the school talent show. She sang the Colbie Caillat song, Fallin For You. When she sang it for us at home, we thought she sounded great. But she didn't make the Talent show, she said she choked and didn't do good at the audition. I couldn't believe she didn't make it.
One time at kids camp she tried out for a talent show and didn't make that one either. I know I'm her mom and may be biased, but really, she sings good. I don't get why she didn't make these talent shows.
Last night at Steele's birthday party, we were talking about this with our friend Esther, she was expressing her shock that E didn't make it.
I said "the one thing though is E never really practices singing. When I was her age, I would come home from school and sing. I know there wasn't a night that went by that I didn't sing some. Most of the time I would sing for hours. I would annoy my family with all my singing."
Esther said "aww, was that your dream Carole?"
"Yes, it was. I wanted to be a Rock star. I was going to be a famous singer" I replied. "But now I sing back up Alto on the Dream Center Center worship team. Ha!"
"You are a Rock star Carole" Esther said. I smiled and laughed.
Truth is I didn't achieve my dream, I'm not a famous singer or a rock star. Yes, it was my dream since I can remember, I worked hard at it while I was young.
Music was everything to me. It was my salvation.
When I was in my room, dancing in front of my mirror, singing Stevie Nicks, Pat Benatar, Carly Simon, I was someone else. Our non air conditioned house, my thrift store bedroom furniture and few items of clothing, were all gone. The fact that I only saw my father once a year, had crooked teeth, a flat butt, was failing in school and had a broken heart, all were someone else's problems while I was singing..and dreaming.
At times the music made my pain so real, sometimes it made reality bigger, sometimes smaller, but always the music made life better. Singing made life better.
I started entering singing competitions when I was in the 6th grade, and I usually won. I would enter beauty contest just for the talent portion, I could care less about winning the beauty part. I took voice lessons, dance lessons and I was in vocal ensemble at school. Sometime teachers would ask me to sing and friends would always tell me how good I was. I became known for my singing in my small little world of Okeechobee Florida.
When I moved here to Baton Rouge louisiana at age 17 and became a Christian, there was no place for rock and roll Carole. I came to know Jesus at Jimmy Swaggart ministries, there, girls had to fit a certain mold, I didn't fit. I tried but I didn't know how to be that girl.
Granted, the environment at Swaggart's was warped and oppressive, not at all what Jesus is and I later found that out, but at the time, that was my world and I had to function in it.
I also simply didn't know how to not be self centered while on stage. I couldn't find the balance between being good at something, where people are looking at you, idolizing you, and being humble. So I laid down my dream of being a Rock Star.
Over the years, and at different churches we attended, I sang in the choir or in the occasional contest. Now sometimes I will go sing with my friend Jordan (he's also the worship leader at the Dream Center) when he is playing an acoustic set somewhere. I sing all the time around the house and in the car, the kids know better then to talk to me while I'm singing a long to a song. When I go home to Florida to see my family, we all go do Karaoke, my mom and sister are huge into Karaoke, they are great singers so we have fun when we can all go sing.
So I do still sing, a lot, and I love it when I get to.
After my conversation with Esther last night, when all the party guest were gone and the house was quiet. E and I went into my bedroom and watch last weeks episode of Glee. It was all about dreaming. Neil Patrick Harris guest stared as a bitter man who once dreamed of being a famous singer but now his life consisted of going around to different schools and cutting programs. In this episode Will, who teaches the Glee club, and was his high school nemesis, convinces him to try out for a local play. His dreams are re inspired but things go astray and well, you just should watch it, it's a great episode.
At one point Will the Glee director is being ridiculed by the Neil Patrick Harris character for not achieving his dreams either and for being just a high school Glee club directer. Will says something to the effect of "yes, it's true, I didn't achieve my dreams, but I get to help these kids find their dreams and work toward it, even if none of them ever achieve it, but some of them just might".
That's how I feel. No, I'm not a rock star, yes, I just sing back up on the Dream Center worship team, but I couldn't be happier. The life I have is so much better then I ever dreamed.
I believe when we lay down our dreams at the feet of Jesus, He gives us better then what we dreamed. He gives us what will truly make us whole and feel like we are living our life to it's fullest. I wouldn't trade the dream I am living now for all the rock star fame, glory and bright lights in the world.
I get to help others dream, and some of them just might achieve their dreams.