Find My Family

I got into a discussion on Twitter last night about the new ABC show Find My Family after a friend of mine said how much he liked it.

I then heard from my friend Cindy who was adopted as a baby. I always like hearing her perspective on adoption stuff. She said she actually liked the show. She did think the title was misleading but really, that is what they call their biological family so it wasn't really inappropriate. She has told me many times that her parents are her parents, they raised her, loved her, and her siblings are her brothers and sisters. BUT her biological family is still family too.

I have to say, this is all very painful to me. There are lines we draw in the sand, beliefs we decide are right and then God draws them into question. Last night after my twitter tirade I felt that little check, that small voice, "there is no room for self in this Carole. I call you to die to that. So, you need to see what of this is selfishness, possessiveness and fear and what part is truly looking out for the best interest of your child. What do you fear?" And so today I find myself looking hard at it all.

Adoption is hard. If you want to stay selfish, you will have a much harder time of it when you have to face the realities of this amazing gift.

See, this is what is true. There is another family out there that will always claim your child as theirs. Birth moms say "my son, my child, etc" just like we do. No matter how painful that is, that is reality that will not change.

I have a friend that hates the term Birth mom or birth family. She honors the choice made by them but feels she is their only mom, they are the only family the child has. I respect her view. I just don't mind the terms, really, most times.

What I can't stand is when people say stuff like "who is his real mom..have you met any of his real family..etc" THAT is what hurts me the most. I AM REAL!! WE ARE HIS REAL FAMILY!! But then I realize they are not up on all the PC adoption lingo. They have no idea that what they are saying hurts me as his mother.

So, my biggest issue with the show, Find My Family is that it makes all this harder for all of us involved in the world of adoption. It's a heart, life, eternal thing and should not be used to get people sucked into reality porn TV. This show will perpetuate the view that even though we love all our kids the same, adopted or birthed, though we would die for them and do die for them daily, that we are not the family they really want or need.

And part of me knows that there is some truth in that for many kids. How will I handle it if Steele and/or Abel want to know their biological family? How far do I go, how far do I let them go as children before they turn 18?

All I can do is pray for God to shows me how to navigate this terrain, show me where I must die to self, and where I must hold fast to my belief, freak out and advocate, not freak out and keep my mouth shut. It's hard. But it's more then worth it. I love my kids. period.

Here is a review I read of the first show. Most media reviewers felt like I did so that was some validation.

http://watching-tv.ew.com/2009/11/24/find-my-family-premiere/

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