Birth Mom - Abel

How do I speak to you? It seems forced, but I will try. I have no pictures of you, you died when Abel was just a year and a half, then six months later your husband, Abel's father died. Did he give you AIDS? How was Abel born without it? This will always be a mystery to me..along with so many other parts of Abel's childhood. He doesn't remember you of course. He was raised by your mother until he was 5 and she could no longer care for him.

Sometimes I try to imagine what happened, but I can't. I live in a world of privilege and wealth. I am fat and never lack for anything and I am not even considered rich in my country. I have no idea what it is like to live in a country with a 75% illiteracy rate, where there are hundreds of thousands of street kids, sleeping on the side walks in broad daylight, who sell their bodies for food and sniff glue to escape the pain of hunger and rejection. A country where the life expectancy is age 45, a country that is home to 4 million orphans. No, I can't even begin to imagine what life was like for you.

Grandmother, since you raised him, I will talk to you now. Abel talks about when you dropped him off at the Orphanage. He said "she say 'you stay here. I go' and then she leave". I know you are old for your country and you support other family members, so I know it was poverty that made you leave him that day. I know you did the best you could for him. I cannot even begin to understand the agony of knowing you could no longer care for the child of your daughter, the daughter you had lost.

He said you came to visit him one time when he was at the Orphanage and he didn't recognize you. I think that was his way of coping with the loss, he blocked you out, the pain was too great.But I imagine that had to hurt you.

I am sorry Abel's first mother, that you got AIDS and died of a disease that is possible to live with now in the privileged world. But I promise you I will fight for all the kids like Abel. I will do what I can to help AIDS orphans and the orphans that have AIDS themselves. We are tied together for this life time you and I. Your son is now my son and grandmother, the child you cared for is now in good hands. He is loved, fed MANY times a day, he's healthy, He goes to the doctor when he needs too, plays and laughs and goes to school. You would both be so proud of him. He is kind, giving, gentle and athletic as well a fabulous dancer, that's because he's Ethiopian, he's got great skills.

Now that I am writing to you, it doesn't seem forced at all. I search for you in his eyes, all that history that I will never know. So much pain and grief from losing the both of you, I see it there. I will do my best and then let THE best take it from there. God loves our boy Abel and he's gonna make it all ok. He's gonna turn that pain into victory and a story. You will be there mom and grandmother. He will makes us proud, I believe it.


Anderson Crew said…
I believe it too!
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