I'm a mess..

I feel like all I do on here is throw pity parties, or make it sound like I'm always dealing with something.

Sometimes I want to pull back and not be so raw.. But then I just cant. This blog has to be true to who I am more then anything.

I am a mess.

Not like you all don't know how much Ethiopia and adoption has wrecked my heart, my mind, but to say it again, It has totally destroyed me.

Destroyed in a good way, in a surgical removal of self way.

But sometimes I just don't know what to do with myself. I have a hard time being present. Here and now.

I am joyful, at peace, happy. I laugh often, dance, sing and play.My heart is full of all that.

I hope. I dream. My faith is stronger now then ever. I know He's working so it's all very good BUT my heart is also shattered for everything normal.

The blessing of adoption is so life changing, so huge and heart stretching.

I hurt for a family right now that has decided to give up the 4yr old girl they adopted only 3 months ago from Ethiopia.

I hurt for the millions of children that will not eat today, will die today from treatable diseases, will be left in an orphanage by a single mom who can't support her child, or conceived the child from rape or incest.

I hurt because so many people would rather drink another Latte instead of helping a child not starve to death.

I could go on and on but I wont. I will rest.

Be present for Abel, Steele, Evangeline.


All I Need - Kim Walker


Where You Go I Go - Kim Walker

Comments

Shawn Wilson said…
WOW!! That's major deep!! My advice though limited is this, just pray. I know you do this but sometimes it helps to be reminded. Just intercede for those whom your heart breaks for because your broken heart is just a piece of the broken heart of our King.
Thanks for being real! I feel the same way sometimes that I am to real and need to pull back but can't. The world i not changed by those who pull back but by those that are real. You my friend are a real world changer.

Much love,
Shawn
5/06/2009
HerstoryGirl said…
I don't think you are a mess and I don't think you are a whiner... I think your blog makes me (and others) THINK more than most blogs I read.
Keep being transparent.
If you don't, it won't be your blog.
5/06/2009
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