So here it is..

This is a hard time. And please, anyone looking for an I told you so, this aint it. I don't regret in anyway adopting Abel. Or birthing Evangeline, or adopting Steele. They are my kids, they ALL make my heart so full it could burst.

It's good, I'm not whining. I am saying it's hard.

Who out there has birthed a baby? The first couple months feel like your in way over your head, what you thought you knew, you didn't, what you read didn't work, the feelings, the lack of sleep, need for space..

..and the bottom line is my quite time is completely jacked up. Abel get's up early wants to get dressed and eat immediately, so this new routine hasn't gotten to be routine at all yet.

Julio preached the first of January, he said some of us will have a season ending and another starting, some will be easier, some harder..

Plus Africa. Orphans. I just get so disgusted with hearing about conferences, cliche Christianity, prosperity gospel, me first gospel, and sometimes I just want to tell them all to get a clue! We are wasting time!

And I ain't seen crap! Honestly, I am a whimp, I will admit it. I'm a titty baby. Cuz' I think of people like Dave Ohlerking who has seen so much more then a 5 day trip to Ethiopia. or Texas in Africa a lady I found through Flower Dust blog, who lived in Africa and did hospice work with the people dieing of AIDS. People who have seen so much more, and are doing something about the injustice in the world, really doing something..

and I hear myself tell me to "Shut the heck up, get up, get over yourself Carole!" Cuz' I can't handle the truth.
The truth that I want to go and Dean doesn't,
The truth that waiting is sometime right.
The truth that I can work now, do what I can now, here, to help Orphans and trust God.
The truth that at times when dealing with Abel, apart from saying "God what do I do now? How do I handle this?" I couldn't even handle being the mom of this former Orphan.

I ALWAYS hear Mark Barringer's sermon about Matthew 25 in my head. Where he talks about the blessing in this chapter for doing good is more work. I knew that, I wanted that and I want it now, probably more then ever, I just have to get through this adjustment time, I have to adjust, the family does.

Nothing worth doing is easy. Just because it's hard doesn't mean we shouldn't do it. DO IT!! I wouldn't trade this funky hard time right now for ANYTHING!!

He is big, good, full of love and this will all be for His glory.

Comments

Anderson Crew said…
Ethiopia is calling me too, I totally understand that, and I get it, I do...every list of every possible way to get back there has run through my head. But right now in this moment, my job is here, the good rough stuff, the character defining moments, the make-it-or-break it chances are right now. When i go to ET,I need to know it is because my family is ready and not that it is easier for me to jump into a mass need, than to dive into a intimate fundamental need here at home...the first year home...giving the boys a foundation.
praying for you
Erin Moore said…
I adore you more today than yesterday! :-) Your transparency is so so brave and inspiring.

I will be praying for you and He will give you His peace that surpasses all understanding.

I do remember having those break down moments after each of my kids - a mourning of the old life when everyone is smiling telling me how happy I should be about my new little one. Not any easy time.

I'm certain of two things:
1) what your feeling is normal
2) He will carry you through this time and guide you along the path He has chosen for you.

Your Sister in Christ,
Erin
Carole Turner said…
Erin and Julian, ya'll are gold. Thanks.
Anonymous said…
I want to talk to you. I work Friday night, so I'm gonna try today or Saturday. In the meantime, breathe. You are right where you are supposed to be. It's like reading a book and you keep looking ahead. Read these chapters because there are some important parts of the plot here. Love you with all my heart.
Anonymous said…
Whine ON!
Elysa said…
I'm listing, Carole, and hurting with you...but hoping, too.

BTW, I saw your stat at fb. Was it referring to your missions trip? Are you and E not going to get to go when you hoped?
Wade Hinton said…
Carole Sue,

Always remember that there is NOTHING more noble, Godly, and commendable than doing today what God has called you to do today.

Hang in there!

Wade

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