Im in a weird place..

..like I'm not in a funk really but just kinda like I'm realizing more an more that I have to be here. I have got to get back into life here, fully, and that is hard right now.

I want to go back to Ethiopia.

I can't shake it.

The other ladies I traveled with have expressed the same longing. I think it may be normal for us who adopt from there, I don't know this for sure though.

I keep plotting ways to go back.

I told Dean tonight that I wanted to move there.

Evangeline told him she wants us to adopt the three girls we met while at the care center. He took neither bait, he said nothing.

So, I must school, clean house, go to church, live, work, serve to the fullest, all the while fighting off Ethiopia.

I pray every time I pray, that God will help me not to JUST think and pray for the orphans I saw, I met, I held, their country, their need, but to pray for other things.

I know this time of transition is contemplative, we have a new child, life is totally different, change is stretching and I just have to get through it but it is hard.

Abel is great, there is nothing but normal kid stuff to deal with there. Yes, it's hard to incorporate another child into a home, that happens when you birth a child or adopt an infant, it's the same here, we are all working on becoming a family.

I just really feel like I have to go back for more.

I want to live on less and give more. I am just tired of being who I was before this trip. God did more then give us a new wonderful son, he ripped my heart up and filled it with the children I saw there, the country of Ethiopia, the continent of Africa.

I know I will never be the same. I just don't know what all is changing..but I know it's a lot and it's good.

Comments

Adopting1Soon said…
Channel this energy.

DO. SOMETHING.

For the orphans.

Do it now, while you still have this burning motivation. Because it might fade....life might take over... it might be relegated to a back burner. So strike while the iron is hot!

You have a church you are involved in right? Why not ask them to let you fundraise and sponsor a mission trip to build orphanages or fix up the ones already there? Or go out into the bush with clean water supplies, etc. And then YOU get to go back!
Sounds like just a lot of normal stuff. I've never adopted so I cannot know all the feelings, but I think God has blessed you with this amazing compassion, because he's called you to do something--dont' know what that is, maybe its creating awareness, maybe it is to move there, maybe its for more kids, who knows? I know when you go through a life-change of any kind, you can go through the funk you are speaking of, just hard to get back into your life. That's why I'm saying its normal. You've just had a baby, in most senses of the phrase, so yes, there are major adjustments, emotions, etc. Love you girl. Cant wait to see you again soon.
Erin Moore said…
Uhg. I just wrote a super-long comment and it somehow got erased. Poop.

Know that I am right there with you girl. I can recommend some books to you if you'd like to read about others who have experienced the same burden....that "drop everything" kind of burden.

-Erin
Adopting1Soon said…
I love your heart and how big it is! That's why I gave you an award today:-)

http://ethiopian-adoption-journey.blogspot.com/2009/02/id-like-to-thank-academy.html


Adopting1Soon
Anonymous said…
I so relate Carole. Wish we could have a little commune like the one across from the guest house. Each of us with our little space and then open air in the middle for the kids to play soccer and duck, duck, goose and toss paper airplanes. And in the midst of all of it, all of us just doing what we know we must do.

You are loved, Rosie