Ethiopia on my mind
So we have now been back almost two weeks from Ethiopia and I have to say, It's an odd experience.
First off, the connection I feel to Abel is like he was always ours. I did worry it would not be that way, and at first, when we were still in Ethiopia, I did look at him and think "wow, he's our son now but I don't even know him". But now, It's just there, in my heart, like it's always been there and I am very thankful for that.
But also, I am having a hard time being here. It's like now that I have gotten a small taste of my dream, I want more. I feel like I left Ethiopia just as it entered my heart and dug a deep trench there.
There have been times in my life where I just felt so undone, so broken and fragile and not knowing what the heck God was up to. I knew it was good but I just didn't like feeling out of control, not knowing. You know, times where I knew trying to figure it out was a waste, I just had to hang on and trust He was navigating the waters and lean on Him. If I look to hard at it, I'd stress, not sleep, rage against the standing, contemplate ways to move faster or make this season end. Then God would say "Stop. Only look at me, you can't figure this one out, trust me, now, the next second, the next, and just walk, then soon, it will be clear what I'm doing".
So, besides wanting to adopt again. I can't shake Ethiopia, the country, the people, the children. I feel like I want to do way more, I want to go live there but I have no clear vision from God on that. Dean doesn't feel the same about adopting again or moving to Ethiopia. He's not totally against it but He's not ready to jump YET either.
So, I am here trying to NOT obsess about adopting again and moving to Ethiopia. I'm asking God for daily bread, strength to give it to Him over and over so I can sleep and have peace.
Ah, to rest and enjoy these days with the kids, the bonding, the sweetness of new life, a child that was once an Orphan but is no longer...that's all of us not just Abel.