Attachment

We have been trained by our Adoption Agency and books they recommended on what we need to do for this first month with Abel, to help him attach to us. Years of experienced parents and adoption counselors tell us that when you adopt a hurting child, one who has been orphaned by death, abandonment, etc, you have to give that child time to attach to you as parents. Over stimulation and lots of people vying for his attention can cause long term attachment issues. Also leaving them with caregivers too soon can cause confusion. He may seem fine to outsiders, some things will seem harmless but that doesn't mean they are.

So the bottom line is I have to learn to say no. I want to do and go, that is my nature, my families nature but I know for now, I have to scale that back as much as possible.

I knew this season would look like this, but now that it's here, it's very hard for me to no go and do as much. Very hard.

It's like when you have a new baby and you feel like everything has stopped in your world, outside of taking care of the baby but not in the rest of the world. The adjustment to having a new child, not a baby is a bit different though. Especially an Orphan who doesn't know much of your language, lost his parents as a baby and then was given up by a grandmother who could no longer care for him. That's pain like no one I know has experienced and my job is to do my part in letting him know he is safe, loved and we are his parents now.

Plus I have two other children that also need their parents and need to attach properly to this new child. We all need time to adjust before jumping back into the crazy life we lead.

As parents we are always making decisions NOW, sacrifices now, so we don't have to pay the consequences later, and worse, so that everyone and the child doesn't pay later.

We all need to become a solid connected family with no one falling through the cracks because we got so busy trying to be great and do great things for God.

And even if the agency training and their recommendation are all wrong, even if he would be just fine and we would, what can it hurt to NOT be so busy with other things right now? Will Midnight outreach, ASAP, BRDC Worship team and all that be fine without me for a month? Yes, of course. I ain't the mac daddy I think I am! (inside Joke for Karen ;-)


I hope I'm making sense, if not just give me grace.

The stretching and dieing continues.

Comments

went thru a season of not going anywhere for a reason, only last about 2 weeks, but i felt detached from the rest of the world, like i was missing out. i know how you are feeling. you are right. in the grand scheme of things, this is a very short period of time and even if it isnt necessary, its better to be safe. i want to see him, but know that my time will come as soon as its possible. just try to rest, enjoy the aloneness (not loneliness, but aloneness), enjoy the time with only your kids. it'll be busy again, soon enough.
Anonymous said…
praying for you!! i understand...
with the girls being so young - i miss/choose to miss out on alot of stuff. and i'm a doer. i'd be doing stuff constantly...
but i want their life to be stable...their bedtimes to be reasonable and sometimes it is really hard.
feels like i'm missing out or maybe even getting forgotten.
of course, though, there is nowhere i would rather be than with my girls...but you know...
hard to move a pace slower than you would like sometimes.
anyway...
i understand as best i can and i'm praying for you...
love you guys

ps- you might want to check into the book "anonymous" if you have time - by Alicia Cole.
AdoptedAsHisOwn said…
You are doing what you are supposed to be doing and I have a feeling that you have some amazing friends that understand and are holding you up to God. You are awesome!! He is in control!
Anderson Crew said…
What would we not give during the process to have them home sooner? What would we not give to take care of the ones 'left behind' or to fix the situations that create needing to find forever families...

That is what I hold on to when I want to "go and do" and "be"...I hold on to that desperate feeling of needing them here and apply it to the desperate need to do it right.

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