I used to be a Singer

Growing up I was the singer in the family. I wrote my first song when I was 4. I remember walking and singing it over and over so I wouldn't forget "The Flower Song". I don't remember it now but it was good.

When I was little I gave back yard shows atop a card table for a quarter, no one paid or listened but that was ok. As I got older I started entering contest. At 12 my friend Kay and I won a local talent contest. We sang "Dreams" by Fleetwood mac. I went on to win and lose many more. Sing at weddings, funerals and bar rooms. I was a singer so I sang. I thought I would one day be a famous singer.

But here I am 40 yrs old and most of the people around me today know me as a writer or an artist. They don't know that I sing. It's weird for me because I do totally embrace the Writer and the Artist titles but I do sing still. Every Sunday, in the choir. I am not the lone voice, no, my voice is added to the other 20-30 voices of the choir. But I am still singing.

I left the choir a few years ago because it was about me. Sure I said it was about singing for God but in truth I wanted to be on a mic. I couldn't find a healthy place between wanting recognition and wanting to use my talents for God so I just quit. It's easy to become jealous of other singers, or feel slighted. In Churches especially, where music is about worshiping, our flesh always wants to make us feel the we are not being appreciated. Pride, arrogance, need for approval, tries to put the attention back on us. People who lead worship are in such a strange place. The stage comes with so much attention on the person there and deflecting it can only come with dieing to self every second of every song.

God has done a lot in me since then. I have been back in the choir for a year now and I love it. I am free from that "please look at me, please recognize my gifts, please use me for a solo" and when it tries to jump back on me again I tell it where to get off, right there at the foot of the cross. I die, so I may live. And I am not being cheesy, it is that real for performers of any kind. We must always die to self. So, in freedom there is fun, liberty, joy, surrender and ministry, that is what I feel when I am up there singing now. I love it and I feel I am being used whether I ever sing a solo.

The other day I was driving, alone, singing and missing the mic. missing the solo. I was itching for some Karaokee. Then last night at the Nursery Christmas party, Shawn Wilkerson lead us in some Christmas Chorus. At one point she said "I'm gonna get Carole Turner up here to lead this next one" I resisted cuz' I was freakishly shocked and embarrassed but she insisted so I did it. I held the mic and sang a verse. It was great. Nerve racking and unsettling but great. It was like God said "ok, I heard you, you wanted to sing a solo, get after it child!"

I used to be a singer, I still am thanks to a really great God.


HerstoryGirl said…
And what a singer you are!!!
Girl, you got some SOUL to your voice! I love it!
Anonymous said…
You did a slamming job!!!!!!You are a true blessing..
Anonymous said…
As the Srooge(Gary)said the other day when he was hereing me sing and I asked him if I sounded alright. He said, You sounded good but I'm use to hearing Carole sing.
I asked him what he meant by that and he said, You know how good Carole sings, but baby you sounded good too. What a man. Love MOM
Anonymous said…
By the way, once a singer always a singer. Love MOM
the6doucets said…
you were awesome and do not singing girl you are great. Fannie
Anonymous said…
One word. tush.

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