Hesitation Aggravation Implementation (not in that specific order)

Everyday I think about writing, I think about my book and everyday I think about this as I'm setting the alarm on my phone and putting it face down on my night stand, going to bed after spending hours reading Twitter or watching Snapchats or binging on some Netflix series. It's always "tomorrow" yes, tomorrow I will stop wasting so much time on social media. I will start reading creative, wonderful books again. Tomorrow I won't go to bed full of regret wishing I could recover the time I just wasted.

The characters remind me all throughout the day of what's going on with them that needs to be written down. They all talk at the same time. When I finally do sit down to write, I feel overwhelmed by the gaps, the missing links, the untold stories I can't find the words to tell.

I'm losing words. I use to have the best words (like for real, not pretend like T-rump) and I worked hard for those words, reading great wordsmiths like Lewis and Tolkien, writing down words I didn't know on a notepad, looking them up, learning them, using them. Now they are buried beneath the pile of redundant overused, almost meaningless words. It breaks my heart but not enough to change me. I'm an addict and my addiction is destroying my creativity.

I hesitate to say that out loud. To admit I have a problem. That F-ing phone! I swear Black Mirror is prophetic, technology will be the death of us all. If not our bodies it will be of our souls. I can't let it destroy my soul.

Write for one hour a day, that's the key I have heard. One hour, I can do that, that is nothing. Implementation is done then it slips away, next thing I know it's been a month since I've worked on my book so I start again, it's always a new day. I delete Facebook from my phone, put it face down on the kitchen counter and walk away, and then I sit and stare at my computer screen waiting for something to come pouring out.

There is so much to do and so little time to do it so it causes me to do nothing productive.

I must ditch the hesitation, push through the aggravation and proceed with implementation...again.  


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