I Feel Like Crying

Let's talk about being a woman, our lady parts. No, not like Amy Schumer does, I want to talk about the inside, what makes us women, like the hormone Estrogen, our ovaries, uterus, etc.

My lady parts have always caused me so much trouble. I had horrible endometriosis growing up, which gave me pray-for-death cramps each month so I had a couple surgeries for it, then a partial hysterectomy at age 40. I kept my ovaries thinking that would keep me from having to go on hormone replacement. But it didn't. 

Even though I still have my ovaries, I entered the beginning stages of menopause and I began not creating enough Estrogen. With that came some serious craziness. I mean, yea, I was already a little crazy but add to that hormones out of whack and then you understand ladies you see on the news who said they committed murder because of their hormones.

Imagine the emotional roller coaster that you feel at the beginning of your period each month, then imagine that settling in for the long haul, that's what it was like. And the hot flashes were just unbearable.

So I got on hormones thinking that would help, only it made EVERYTHING worse. I gained 20 lbs in 6 months, my hair started thinning, the skin on my elbow started cracking and peeling, my hair became coarse, and my finger nails went from strong to paper thin. It was bad. I finally had to get off the hormones last fall. My body is just now getting back to normal. I've actually even lost a few pounds.

But one thing that had been consistent for the last couple years is my lack of tears. I went from being very in-touch with my emotions to not being able to cry. I could rage, feel empathy, fear, sadness but I couldn't really cry. It was weird.

I couldn't cry or lose weight.

So in March the doctor put me on Welbutrin. Yes, an antidepressant. I never thought I'd be on antidepressants, I wasn't depressed but I was emotionally off balance due to my hormones being out of whack and I was NOT getting back on hormones.

And finally I can now cry again. I get weepy again. I don't feel as crazy either.

Now here's a picture to show off my 5lbs in one year weight loss. The fact that it took me a year of eating right and working out to lose 5 stinking pounds makes me feel like crying!


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