What is Love? Baby Don't Hurt Me No More

I am mean to my kids. I'm short tempered. I get aggravated easily.

I don't love in action, so it really doesn't matter what I feel.

Love isn't a feeling, it is an action.

Love isn't what we Christians give to the world as love.

Sex isn't love, it makes being in love with your spouse better but it isn't love.

Church isn't love. The American church wouldn't know love if it bit them in the butt.

I know, broad generalization right? I guess I should say 85% of the American church wouldn't know love if it bit them in the butt because they are too busy nurturing celebrity pastors that live in million dollar homes and building vulgar mega churches while throwing a bone at the poor in the form of feel good outreaches and expensive missions trips for their congregants who want to feel better about living in disgusting excess while the rest of the world starves and works their a$$#s off so we can buy stupid crap! We are to busy with THAT to concern ourselves with really knowing what love is.

I know this from experience.

I keep listening to the song by the Dixie Chicks called Not Ready to Make Nice, "forgive sounds good, forget, I'm not sure I could, they say time heals everything, but I'm still waiting" I'm ready to make nice, but it's hard to forget something that is still an ongoing spin class of bull crap.

Sorry, I got side tracked by church drama.

It's hard to love when grace is required, which is always, and then also wisdom, which is also always required, maybe that's why my problem with love has been brought to light recently, I see now more then ever how hard it is to walk in it.

Love, maybe love doesn't just sit by and let everyone lie, I think.

Maybe love is more about being truth in the face of all that crap.

But without judgment? How? With grace? Yes, but what does that look like?

And love heals, forgives, hopes in all things, delights in the truth...

I think but the real problem is, I discovered the other day, is that I just don't know.

I don't walk in love most of the time.

I know who is love, I just don't know how to love properly.

I knee jerk react to my kids, my husband, my life.

That is not love.

I want to be in love.

IN IT.

Swimming in it, drowning in it like a Florence and the Machine song.

So, I've asked God to show me, guide me, work it in me.

I am going to study love.

I've ordered two books that I think will help,


Common Prayer: A Liturgy for Ordinary Radicals   
Common Prayer: A Liturgy for Ordinary Radicals
Shane Claiborne

Love Does: Discover a Secretly Incredible Life in an Ordinary World
Love Does: Discover a Secretly Incredible Life in an Ordinary World
Bob Goff, Donald Miller

I'll see you when I'm done with my study, for now, enjoy some Florence...


SWIMMING
by Florence and the Machine
Your songs remind me of swimming,
Which I forgot when I started to sink
Dragged further away from the shore,
And deeper into the drink

Sat on the bottom of the ocean,
A stern and stubborn rock
'Cause your songs remind me of swimming,
But somehow I forgot

I was sinking, and now I'm sunk
I was drinking, and now I'm drunk
Your songs remind me of swimming,
But somehow I forgot

I tried to remember the chorus,
I can't remember the verse
'Cause that song that sent me swimming,
Is now the life jacket that burst

Rotting like a wreck on the ocean floor,
Sinking like a siren that can't swim anymore
'Cause our songs remind me of swimming,
But I can't swim anymore

Pull me out the water, cold and blue,
I open my eyes and I see that it's you,
So I dive straight back in the ocean
So I dive straight back in the ocean

Take a deep breath, suck the water in my chest
Take a deep breath, suck the water in my chest
Cross my fingers and hope for the best

Then all of a sudden, I heard a note,
It started in my chest and ended in my throat
Then I realized, then I realized, then I realized
I was swimming,
Yes, I was swimming
And now I'm swimming,
Yes, I am swimming

Your songs remind me of swimming
Which I forgot when I started to sink
Your songs remind me of swimming,
Which I forgot when I started to sink
Oh, your songs remind me of swimming,
Which I forgot when I started
Your songs remind me of swimming,
Which I forgot when I started to sink

Comments

Unknown said…
wow this is exactly how i feel Carole! god I wish I could write!! Keri