Heart Ache, Music and Matt Dillon

When I was a teenager my refuge was music. I would retreat to my room every night, pop a cassette into my jam box, grab a hair brush and sing for hours. Stevie Nicks, Carly Simon, Pat Benatar.

Pictures of Matt Dillon covered my bedroom walls. I fell in love with him when I saw the movie Tex. It was based on S.E. Hinton's book by the same name. I read the book and loved it. I loved all of her books especially The Outsiders, which was later made into a movie and also stared Matt Dillon. 

My mom knew I loved those books and Tex happened to be playing at our small local theater on the day that I told her about Jimmy dumping me..Again. So she took me to see it.

Before the movie, her and I went to eat at Pizza Hut and I'll never forget her words as we chewed on pizza and drank Coke and I told her all about what a jerk Jimmy was, she said "Carole, a hard peter has no conscious."

That night as I sat watching Tex, I knew I had found the man who would help take my mind off of my heart ache, Matt Dillon.

After that night, any time I was at the store with my mom, I would go off to the magazine section and look through the teen magazines for pictures of him. If he was in one I wouldn't necessarily buy it, most of the time I would just rip the pictures of him out or if I had to,  I would steal the entire magazine if ripping a page out in the Eckerds would draw to much unwanted attention. I had 140 of these stolen posters all over my walls. So when I was sad over my real life heart ache, I was at least surrounded by the dream. I could close my eyes while singing Pat Benatar, Carly Simon, Stevie Nicks into my hair brush-mic and imagine that I was on a stage in front of a huge audience and they all loved me. Matt was there of course, cheering me on and in my dreams he always wore the leather jacket that he wore in The Outsiders and I looked like Pat Benatar.

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