A Prayer for the Road Trip

Steele, Evangeline and Abel.
Taken outside of a Cracker Barrel in Northern Kentucky
Hello God.

Memorial Day weekend. Road trip time again. Mississippi, Ohio, Indiana, Tennessee, gonna stop at all these beautiful places on our week long vacation.

But as you well know lord, I kinda get wiggady-whacked sometime so I need your help lord.

Please Jesus help me today not be a B&@/:! to my kids and husband as we drive a total of 17 in the next two days.

Help me to relax and not invest a lot of energy into things that don't matter. Like if Steele wears the same clothes for four days or Abel doesn't put his moisturizer into his freshly cut fro.

Help me not to get mad at Dean for not letting me pee on the side of the road when there isn't an exit with a close bathroom and I have to go so bad I want to stab him with a pencil.

Help Steele resist the urge to constantly ask us if he can pee in a Coke bottle, (Thanks a lot, my dear husband, Dean, for allowing him to do this one time while stuck in traffic over lake Pontchartrain, now it's the only way he wants to pee while traveling).

Help me tone out Evangeline as she begs to sit in the front seat every two second and when I finally give in and move to the back seat help me not to get nauseated.

Help me lord to act like you when we play The Radio game and not be so competitive. I know I think sports competitiveness is stupid and I roll my eyes when men get mad when they lose but with this "Name That Tune" travel game that involve guessing artist and song for points before the scan moves on to the next station, well, you and I both know this is worth getting upset about when someone (won't name any names but Evangeline) forgets to log your points. So what if I'm beating them by double digits already, Every point counts, right? No? Ok sorry. See this is why I'm praying.

Lord bless Dean with alertness while he's driving and please raise my Tesla tolerance level. 18 years of listening to Tesla on road trips is a lot lord, it's a lot.

When we get to Ohio lord, Help me not be the fool known for her many words. Help me to remember this is Dean's trip to see his family, and help me remember to not be an attention hog by name dropping people we've gotten to work with as extra's on movies recently like Mark Wahlberg, Will Ferrel, Zach Efron and Tom Cruise.

Help me lord to be patient with Abel and Steele. Help me to smile and not fret about them eating donuts and drinking milk and cokes every day for a week. And help me not to want to kill them when it's the end of the day and the sugar rush has made them crazy and all the family is wondering why I don't do something with these crazy animal boys that I'VE allowed to eat junk all day.

Please help me to stay calm and not take up smoking cigarettes and hard liquor at this point.

And lastly God thanks. I know I should have said that first but thanks. Thanks for Road Jew-ry, our Gold pimp Kia minivan, and for DVD players on each seat, headphones, iPhones, the 1980s Game Boy we have and for books.

And mostly thanks for my family. Why you gave me the best husband and kids in the world, I'll never know but thank you for them. And thanks for listening to me, loving me and helping me. So glad you're with me on this trip, if you see me wigging give me a gentle nudge would ya? Thanks.

Amen.

Comments

Anonymous said…
Can't stop laughing. I'm at a loss why Dean wouldn't let you be in the grass? Does he like getting stabbed with pencils? ;)
I remember begging my mom to sit in the front.great post,as usual.
anj