"I Believed God was Going to Heal Me"

I believe in healing. I was healed of asthma at age 4. Elders in my grandfathers church laid hands on me, told me that God was gonna heal me, I believed it, and I never had asthma again. I've seen Steele's leg be healed, I know others who have been healed, so I do believe and know that God heals.
One day Evangeline was told by a girl at church that God had shown her that He was going to heal Evangeline of her diabetes. Of course, when your 14, raised in church world and someone tells you they have heard from God, you believe them. I had the wonderful job of being the voice of reason to the situation, or as some may call me, the voice of doubt. I had to tell her that A. this girl should not have told her that GOD had said that and B. If he did tell her that, it's possible God meant when she gets to heaven. Teaching the reality and the supernatural to a child with a chronic condition takes everything that you believe to a completely different level.

E wanted so badly for this to be true. She begged God for it. Prayed, believed and eventually started to use deception and lies to make it seem that this healing was happening. She wanted the 12 years of finger sticks, not eating what/when others could, the trips to the ER, the bulky pump, the lows and highs that make her feel terrible, and all the other crap that goes along with having type 1 diabetes, she wanted all that to be gone. So she manipulated situations and readings to make it appear as if it had. I wont go into great details here, but I will just say that my child was so desperate for this healing, she wanted to believe that what God had told her friend was true, so she started to deny the truth and deceive even herself.

My heart is broken. I hurt for her, for what this means to her heart and her mind. She is sorry for the lying and is working through this. I kept thinking how shocked I was that she was capable of such intricate deception but then I realized, the lie came from a deep desire to believe. Like people who watch their children die rather then take them to a hospital because they feel it will somehow make their faith a lie so they lie to themselves rather then face the truth. It's such a web.

We found out the truth of this matter from E's quarterly blood work, it doesn't lie. I felt as if I had been hit on the chest. And I felt as if I had failed her on so many levels. When she finally came clean about what she had been doing, I asked her why and she said "I believed God was going to heal me" so she started neglecting her care and making it appear as if He was.

Yea, heavy stuff. I'm still processing it all. She's my baby girl. I have to teach her how to value truth above everything else, but also to value faith in the unseen. I have to help her believe after this.

I'd appreciate your prayers.

Comments

Wow, Carole. This post overwhelms me for you. And for E. I was E once, wanting desperately to reveal God's healing powers. I'll be praying for you and E as you navigate this part of your journeys.

Thank you for sharing this.
Karen said…
Bummer.I am so sorry.
Anonymous said…
OMG. This will be a real test of E's faith. She may need to talk to the pastor or someone who can try to explain this to her. My heart is aching and I am crying for our beautiful E. I am praying for God to give you and who ever else talks with E about this to have the right words to help her understand. God lets it rain on the just and the unjust the same. I think he has a great purpose for E and the diabetis might have something to do with her great purpose. Tell her we love her so much. Love Mom
Patricia said…
praying... and hoping that God would comfort her even in the time of confusion.