When I'm Alone...

..I search out the HIV+ waiting child sites and I send Dean E-mails with info on little girls I find, hoping that one day he will say "yes" to one of them.

I sing a lot. Music is always on, rarely ever is TV. I like music better.

I cry a lot. Especially when I am looking at the HIV+ kids who need families.

When I listen to Jesus Cultures version of "Oh Lord Your Beautiful" I cry also.

Every  now and then I put on some old Eagles, Fleetwood Mac, or Journey and I'll sneak back to my childhood and wish I had a Stevie Nicks dress.

Some times I write, like today, I started and essay. I'm trying NOT to edit while writing, which is what always makes me stop.

I drink coffee and chase it with a glass of ice water...several rounds of this.

I read my C.S, Lewis daily devotional.

I clean my house.

I listen to John Mayer. I never get tired of John Mayer. Or Patty Griffin, but not all her songs, just some of them, I can listen to a million times. But John, no, I can listen to anything by him, anytime, all the time.

I pray. It's random, like if I read a tweet of a prayer request, I will pray. Or if I think of a friend, I take that as a sign that I should pray for them.

I feel God. Always, even when I don't "feel" anything.

I paint my nails.

I dream and then I hyperventilate at the thought that my life is at least half over. So much I still want to do.