Should Married Couples Have a Regular Date Night?

A guy that I follow on twitter tweeted this; marriage without a regular date night is little more than a sad example of a legal agreement between two people. #chaseyourwife

I very respectfully disagree with his tweet for two reasons, 1. I know lots of couples who had regular date nights for 10, 15, 20 years, who are now divorced. They believed it was essential for a good marriage, it's not.  2. I know many wonderfully happy couples that rarely go on date nights, they are still together after 10, 15, 20 years, and more happy then ever. Dean and I are one of them.

Dean and I serve together, we parent together, and sometimes we get away just the two of us on a date. It's rare because we are busy being one flesh, we're not obsessing over "dating" each other any more. We are one now, life is a date. Our marriage is a lot more than a sad example of a legal agreement between two people. We are madly in love, way more in love with each other now then we were the day we got married 16 years ago and we have probably only been on 100 date nights total.

I don't think there is anything wrong with a married couple having a set date night, so I want to be clear on that, I'm not against date nights if that's what floats your boat. What I am against is the idea being perpetuated, that a date night is essential to a good marriage. People always want the "key" to a good marriage, they want a formula, a trick, a ticket to ride the happy marriage train, but there isn't one. I have seen so many couples that had all the supposed keys, all the tricks and all the tickets, and still their marriages fell apart. Couples today seem to like the idea that a date night, or having sex everyday, will be the key to a happy marriage, I suppose that these are perceived as "fun" keys, so they are easier to accept then hearing the real, heart choices, that keep a marriage fresh and growing; like work, commitment, dieing to self, loving unconditionally, drawing closer to God and closer to each other, listening, forgiving, and more. There's not one key, there are many and having a regular date night is not one of them.

Comments

Anonymous said…
One thing that keeps a marriage together is the promise(commitment)
to love,honor & cherish each other for life. I have been with my husband 34 years and we have been thru some rough times. I have hated him at times, but beneath it all was the promise. When I remember the promise I remember the love I have for this person. When we fight I say to him "Remember the promise!"
29 years this coming January, not one date night! So not needed! :)
Karen said…
I have always loved your marriage.
Gered Lambert said…
Brandi asks for them occasionally. Then I do it. But I agree with Carole. DO LIFE TOGETHER! Have a "DATE LIFE", not a date night. But, whatever keeps the wheels on the tracks. To each his own.