God Hates Divorce

I have friends who married right. They married "Godly" men. They committed their lives to them. They died everyday to self, and also died to self worth, feeling valued by their spouse, encouraged by their spouse, strengthened and most importantly, loved by their spouses.

They are all now going through divorces.

And they all love God very much.

Some were physically abused, no, not enough for anyone to really see it, but a hit, a push, a shove, is still a hit, a push, a shove. Others were so manipulated by their husbands that they never felt valued, only controlled.

And yet, all of these women have heard from Christians how wrong they are to leave. How much "God hates divorce". The husbands are very spiritual men. Pastors, or guys who just want their marriages back. They had it great. Who doesn't like a good door mat or good verbal or literal punching bag?

SO they stalk and pester friends. Turn it around on the evil leaving wife or they deprive the ex wife of child support, trying to force the kids their way out of lack. They visit every available Christian friend and leader and tell how they are so sorry, really have changed, want to restore the marriage but "she's just hardened her heart". All to manipulate some more.

And EVERY TIME the women catches hell from "loving" Christians.

"You just need to pray girl, he's trying..."

"you know it's not God's will for you to get divorced.."

"What about your children?"

I seriously want to pull my stinkin hair out at some of the things people have said to my hurting, broken, grieving friends.

These ladies said FOREVER, to men they believed would love them, treasure them, encourage them. As Christ Loves the Church. Instead they destroyed these women.

I know no husband is perfect, don't even start with that, yes, they all need grace, love, forgiveness, but these wives gave that and a hundred times more. FOR 20 years!!!

I am so sad to say that these guys just didn't get it. For whatever reason, pride, arrogance, jealousy, who knows, they just chose not to listen to the MANY pleas and cries to them by their wives. They either didn't know how to or they just wern't willing to love as Christ loves the church. That is the bottom line.

You really think these women want to be doing this? You think they want to put their kids through this? No, they wanted their husbands to love them. PERIOD. They thought this was forever and it wasn't.

And so, over time, something broke in these women. Something that only God can fix. And His hands and feet, the church, needs to prayerfully, gently, care for these women. Not add to their hurt and grief.

So, yea, God hates divorce, because of what it does to each individual. It makes enemies of lovers, it is a fight for custody, property, money. It breeds resentment, strife and hatred, and even the "winner" who gets their way looses so much more then they gain.

Thank God He sent His son who died for us all, forgiveness is available for us, He loves us and will restore us and as individuals we will all stand before God.

I do feel sorry for these men. I pray they will see this as a time to really learn what it means to love, unselfishly and I pray they will move on. They may have lost the whole world and gained their souls.

Comments

Amen, sister! You get your preach on!!!

A word study of divorce in the Old Testament reveals God explaining that He divorced Israel for her unfaithfulness to Him, despite His continual efforts to bring her back. Why does God say He hates divorce? Maybe because He knows the pain and betrayal firsthand.

If only we could share the love and mercy of Christ with one another!
SUNSHINE said…
You know who else hates divorce? Divorced people. Christian seem to forget that. Pain is pain.
Gered Lambert said…
I asked Bro. Wayne Austin about this. He suggested loving people right where they are and walking with them and try to lead them to confession, repentance, restoration and reconciliation. Personally, I will never recommend 2 things to people: bankruptcy and divorce. That's between them and God. I will recommend keeping them and children safe and out of dangerous environment.
Thanks for the post. What you wrote hit home to what I went through.
Anonymous said…
This is so good. You have put into words what so many women are feeling. Just love them where they are and pray for them. Jesus never meant for any woman to be abused in any way, christian or not. God bless you for having the courage to speak out on it.
JC said…
Carole, a word of caution here. Your good friends will know at least a couple of the people you are talking about. You are lumping them all together.

Who is withholding child support? Verbally abusive? PHYSICALLY abusive? You've pretty much melded them into one person and made him out to be the source of all strife in the marriage.

God sees them individually and knows their heart. He knows sowing pain leads to reaping pain; and so do these couples.

Honestly, I'm trying hard to see the good that you hope to accomplish with this post, Carole.

Why fuel this? Why take sides and bash struggling people on a public forum?
Carole Turner said…
Jimmy, I clearly say "several" or "few" words the show plainly that I am not talking about one specific person.

I don't mean to hurt anyone, rather encourage the ones, I feel, are the victims here and also encourage the church to treat them better.

That's it. Sorry you disagree but this is my blog and I do feel that saying this will help and encourage.

Again, anyone can tell that I am not talking about one specific person.
Anonymous said…
Hey CT,
I am glad you wrote this. I get it. Many will not get it and that's ok. So keep writing.... then duck for cover!
OXOX
Anne
Anonymous said…
There are many forms of abuse, not just physical. Verbal abuse is one of the worst kinds of abuse, and it is abuse. You can't see it except maybe in the eyes of the abused. You can see the pain and hurt in the eyes. The abused needs all the support unconditional love they can get. Great Post.
Anonymous said…
Carole,
You have treaded some very serious territory. You expect these husbands to love as Christ loves the church, so why now do we give a pass to those who want out. Is there truly a limit to love not seeking its own or holding no record of wrong. The issue here is not that people should be treated better but that the church must desire to see restoration not justification. I am so thankful Jesus put His love on the line for me. How can we judge the sincerity of someone's seeking Godly council or changing and call it manipulation. It is the body of Christ's role to stand with those in trouble, all of them and not pick and choose who we want to support and who we will turn our back on. I know that there are instances where divorce is the only choice but we have allowed ourselves to broaden the stroke of that brush. I love you and all the parties involved in these situations but I will not choose sides I will pray for hearts to soften and God to heal and restore.

Robin Waites
Anonymous said…
Oh By the way today would have been 20 years of marriage for me and George. I guess I may be a little touchy on this subject because I want my husband.

Robin

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