Check one two..Check, Check

Some call it "a check in your spirit". Others may say it's your "Gut instinct" as a follower of Christ. I call it the Check. God speaking to me in a situation, saying "No. Stop. This isn't it, etc.."

I hear it. I can always in hind sight say "I knew that" but I need to start hearing and acting on that "Check" right when it is spoken to me.

Problem is I don't trust it. Even though in my heart I know it's Him talking to me, If it's not what I want to hear, I can brush it aside by justifying what I am wanting to do with lots of "God reasons" that it should be done.

In the summer of 2006 I got a call from a friend in California telling me about a girl giving up her bi-racial baby boy for adoption. When I was listening to my friend tell me all the details I heard in my heart "this isn't it Carole" but I found a thousand reasons why this "was" it. Long story short, the girl backed out two weeks before the baby was born. We had named him, fell in love with the dreams of our future child, and so we grieved for him when he did not become our child.

I should have listened.

In April of 2006 Evangeline and I took part in Invisible Children, Displace Me protest. It was a wonderful experience that deepened my commitment to help Africa and it also helped educate Evangeline on the war in Uganda. A couple months ago I started receiving E-mails about an upcoming "Rescue" event with Invisible Children. It was to raise awareness and get action taken against Joseph Coney who is the leader of the LRA in Uganda. Invisible Children was now trying to get Coney to release the child soldiers that make up most of the LRA with the "Rescue" protest.

I watched the video and as I did I felt that check..."no" is what I heard as I considered getting involved. But again, I didn't listen. Even when we were at the event, buying the T-shirts I was thinking, "something about all this just doesn't feel right to me"...but I still bought the shirts. No, nothing bad happened, just wasted money and time but I have since begun researching how to really help Uganda and I am now convinced that IC is misguided and may do more harm then good in this situation.

I should have listened.

After I came back from getting Abel three months ago I just knew I had to get back to Ethiopia. I found a missions trip and started planning. I prayed for God to guide me but I didn't like when I heard again "this isn't it" so I forged ahead, even changed countries in Africa thinking THAT would help me shake the "this isn't it" but finally, I had to confess, going back to Africa was not what God wanted.

I finally listened...this time.

My point in all this is I have to not only know His voice but obey His voice even when it doesn't seem like He should be saying no.


Lana said…
Wow! Carole, thank you for your transparency. God has really been speaking to me and "whooping" me about this same immediate obedience issue. My personal red flag is "justification". God has shown me that when I begin to justify things in my own mind, I'm not letting His justification rule me. Ouch!! This is a painful lesson! I think I told you before that I went on a Swazi mission trip like the one your Dean did--Children's Cup, Ben Rogers, Natalie Spera, etc.--I would go back tomorrow if I could. I know a little of what you're feeling, Sister! Thanks for sharing so openly.
Lana, Bloomington, IN
justin said…
hey, nice blog. you should check mine out too. pretty similar.

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