The romance will get you

I sat on the plane exhausted. It was only 4 hours into the 19 hour flight home from Ethiopia. I was looking at our new 6 yr old son sleeping beside me. And my husband also sleeping next to him. I had just come from the air plane bathroom where I had hand washed Abel's pants in the sink. We had found out the hard way that he wet the bed every night. I had not thought to get a diaper before the plane ride home started, I had brought a change of clothes and he had already gone through both sets and was now in a diaper WAY too small for him. His pants hung drying on the tray table in front of me. Abel was laying on a plastic bag and an Ethiopian Airlines blanket meant for me.

"This is too much! what have I done? I can't do this!" I was completely undone. Ethiopia had ripped my heart out, no sleep, culture shock, street kids. It was all just more then I could take.

In that moment I prayed. I knew I couldn't take anymore and there was no one else who could fix this but God. I was too tired, too emotionally drained, too everything. and they slept peacefully while I wanted to burst into tears.

God met me there. In that instance, I felt peace and strength and calm. He spoke softly to me "your right, it's too much for you, let me take it". I felt His presence surround me, it was amazing. So wonderful.

The next thing I knew the lady sitting in front of me got up, walked back to me and squatted down to whisper in my ear. She said "I can't do this. I want to go home, go to sleep and when I wake up, I don't want her to be there" she was talking about the 4yr old girl that her and her husband had just adopted and were bringing home. I told her I knew how she was feeling. Even women who birth children sometime look at them and wonder how they will love them. Think it's too hard, and just want to get some sleep. Call it what you want but it's just being completely overwhelmed by the task at hand. I also encouraged her to not listen to the negative thoughts, to pray, cry out to God, ask Him for the love, the strength and the wisdom needed to do this. I also told her she did not make a mistake. She did the right thing. Later she would tell me that another friend on the plane told her just to fake it till she felt it and I said amen to that. Walk in love, act loving and love will come. Even when we dont feel it for this new little stranger in our lives, act in love, and it will grow. I have since received e-mails from this lady and I do believe they are all gonna be just fine.

I heard the other day about a family of five who adopted four children from Latin America a couple years ago, they now are disrupting the adoption. They have found a home for the two young boys and are still looking for one for the two older girls. I can't even begin to imagine what is going on there. Why after two years? My heart breaks for all of them involved.

The truth is, we must all know this, the Romance will get you. Romanticizing poverty or Orphans, AIDS, hunger, anything, will trigger wrong motivation, cause us to act without the tools necessary to do the job. We have to be completely dependent on HIM at all steps in the process, before during and for the life time after. We must seek His will and we must not be motivated by anger, doubt or fear when making any decision concerning adoption. The let down of making it all so romantic and heroic is a major tool of the enemy and it can take you down if you let it.

BUT let's say you did adopt with wrong motives, or got home and realized the romantic dream you had of life with a former Orphan wasn't quite what you got, you know what is so incredibly wonderful? God can redeem that. He works all things together for the good of them that love Him, remember? Don't let how you feel now dictate how you react to eternal things. Walk in love, trust Him, depend on Him and He will change hearts.

It can not be said enough, seek Love! His love, when sought and walked in will cover it all. No, I am not saying it wont be hard, too hard for you even, but not too hard for Him...let Him take it.


Jill said…
Carole...what an honest and true and beautiful description of all those feelings. I've had them too, but God is SO good to meet you there in that place. You look back a year later and wonder how you ever got along with out that child!
As always, Carole, thanks for keeping it real! What a powerful post. I loved the baseball pictures from yesterday, too. Check out Abel Turner - what a guy!
Erin Moore said…
This is so beautiful and honest, I just appreciate you so much.

Your sistah in Christ,

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