Falling in love

When you birth a child, most times, the love is immediate. You have felt the child inside you growing, talked to it, dreamed about it and have spent nine months falling in love with this baby. With Evangeline, whom I birthed, I was madly in love with her the minute I saw her. The love was just there.

But it's different when you adopt. Especially when you adopt older children. At least it is for me.

Not long ago I twittered "The greatest thing about adoption is you get to watch your kids fall in love with you". It really is a gift given by God to us who adopt. Watching the process is a beautiful thing.

I remember the day I felt Steele allow me to love him. We got him at birth but it was still months later before he stopped resisting my love. I sat on the bed holding him, he was crying, I don't remember why but as I held him I felt him relax. I felt him let go. It was like he said "ok, ok, I get it now. I trust you. You are mom." In my heart I felt that click. Love had settled into both our hearts very deeply that day. It had been digging slowly since the day we got him and everyday it got deeper and deeper until that day when it fell into the vast chasm of deepest love.

With Abel it has of course been a different process. His walls were very pronounced. His eyes revealed them, his embrace displayed them. And for us as well, all effort of love was deliberate, conscious and every day getting deeper.

I remember when it went from "I will hug her quickly so she will let me alone" to "I am completely comfortable in her embrace" no, he didn't say these things but his body language did. Now, I see love growing, I feel the tunnel being dug deep deep deep inside both our hearts. And what was once glimmers of hope for love are now daily events that melt my heart...and all our hearts.

Comments

Anonymous said…
Wow Carole. I totally loved reading that blog just now. It definately touched my heart. You know, I don't know if many adopting parents actually think to write those things down on paper, but I'm sure it helps you to appreciate the situation even more than you already do. God is good, and He sure was faithful to you and Dean in being able to get Abel in the family. Much love to you guys and I can only pray that the love will multiply daily!

Amanda
Carrie said…
beautiful! thank you for sharing this! found you via twitter!
Elysa said…
As Carrie said, beautiful.
Anonymous said…
CT:
Sweet.
Anne
Erin Moore said…
How awesome of you to let us see this beautiful process of falling in love. Thank you for sharing so much of yourself with us.