Answers to some questions

I have gotten a few questions about our adoption and Abel so I'm gonna try to answer them here.

What agency did you use and would you recommend them?

We used IAG, International Adoption Guides. They were so wonderful. I can't recommend them any higher. Especially now after going and doing the adoption, I KNOW how much they did for us, there and here. I heard other families that didn't have what we had while we were there. IAG didn't leave anything for us to guess on or do on your own. Their goal is to have the adoption completed and your child home when you go. Haile, the IAG director in Addis, is so great. You just know they are doing their job and it's so comforting. Like I said, we heard from and talked to couples that were with other agencies that didn't have the assistance we did and I really did feel bad for them.

SO yea, I love IAG, will use them again and will recommend them to anyone that ask.

Have you noticed if he is accepting you as mom yet?

I really don't know yet. He is much closer to Dean, he took to him immediately but he still tenses up when I hug him or kiss him. BUT in Ethiopia same sex affection is very accepted and you see it everywhere. Men hold hands, hug a lot and women hold hands with each other. THAT is culturally acceptable, affection between the opposite sex in public is not. SO, when I hug him or kiss him, he's uncomfortable because I am still a stranger really. It's getting better, I can feel him relaxing.

Our agency had told us that in the Ethiopian culture, boys even as Young as 5 or 6, are already thinking they are better then women. They said to get my husband to tell him he has to listen to me, obey me, so Dean did that a couple times and now Abel does seem to listen better to me.

It's only been a few days so it's hard to know how he feels about us. He seems happy yet guarded. I just kiss him a lot, hug him a lot, hold him when he cries and let him play and eat all day long :-)

Why can't you go anywhere with him for a while?

It all has to do with long term attachment issues. Right now Abel doesn't know our language, has to get used to new parents and siblings, a new country, new house, etc and all of it is so much MORE then anything he has ever experienced. It's hard for Americans to grasp real brain and emotion overload because we have been surrounded all our lives by excess, but a child from a third world country, who's suffered extreme lose, gets very overwhelmed. It's recommended that he gets used to and connected with his immediate family, then slowly introduce him to our world.

Also, he needs to connect with Dean and I as his parents. This can get messed up when a lot of people come around all the time wanting his attention. We have to be established as not just another care giver but as parents and that's better done when he only has us around for a while to rely on for everything.

It's complicated but I totally get it. It's worth the sacrifice of a few weeks or months to have him long term connected to us.

Can we come see him and meet him?

Only one or two people at a time can come meet him. They have to be very low key, not dramatic or real touchy. Anything given to him has to be given to us and then we give it to him. Again, it all has to do with attachment.

How will he learn English?

We have an LSU student lined up to teach him English that is from Ethiopia and speaks his language. ALSO, there is an Ethiopian family at Christian Life Academy who we are going to meet with and they are wanting to teach him as well.

He actually already does really good, knows more then we thought, and Steele never stops talking to him so I think he's learning.

He does some American sign language from living in the care center with deaf children so when he signs to us we tell him the English word for the sign and have him say it back to us.

He already knows his ABC's, recognizes the letters, numbers, draws really well and does math! He's very smart.

ok, if ya'll have anymore questions, shoot them to me and I will answer them.


Erin Moore said…
You're awesome! Thanks!!
Anonymous said…
how long till you can take him to places?
Robin said…
Carole and Dean I am so excited for you and your family. Abel is one lucky kid to have the two of you. Can't wait to meet him let us know when we can get together. Robin

Popular posts from this blog

Gay Adoption

The Womb, Being a Woman and Baby Loss

Holding the Snake by His Head